I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
