This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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