i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
