I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
