im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
