where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
