i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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