Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
