LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
