a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
