so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
