Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
