I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
