I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
