There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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