the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
