maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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