i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
