It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
