i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
