Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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