I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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