isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
