i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
