OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
