i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize