she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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