Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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