I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
