I have demons in me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
