Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
