Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
