I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i think i have herpe
just one?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
