Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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