New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
