She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
