Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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