Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Success! We fucked roommates!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
