Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it's great music for shaving your balls
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
