She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
