did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
