So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
