Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
