My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
