We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
