I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
