i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
