3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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