I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
