I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
