if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
