why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
