He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
