I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
